Wait (Bleeding Stars #4) Page 10

“What do you say we keep this little party to ourselves, yeah?” he said casually, bouncing a little to tug his ripped up jeans over his hips, the fly open wide as he pulled a ratty old band tee over his head.

  “Not so sure your brother would take too kindly to the two of us hooking up.” He chuckled as if he hadn’t just shredded her innocence. “Of course, the asshole is probably balls deep in that Casey chick as we speak. But you know how it goes, do as I say and not as I do.”

  He raked his hand through his dingy brown hair, ran a hand over his chin that was coated in a coarse five o’clock shadow, his dull brown eyes somehow glinting as he smirked down at her where she tried to withdraw deeper into herself.

  She felt so dirty.

  Used.

  Shame consumed her, and she choked over a sob as she quickly nodded her head. “Okay.”

  His snort was spiteful. “You gonna sit there and act like it was all that bad? Twenty minutes ago you were begging for my attention, now you’re over there sniveling like it was terrible or something. Way to boost a guy’s ego. Fuck him then cry.”

  It was true.

  She’d been begging for attention.

  Flirting.

  Wanting to fit in among all the girls who were clearly so much older than she. The guys throwing back beers and playing music in the rundown house were really men.

  But she’d wanted to feel what it was like to be wanted.

  Pretty.

  Mature.

  She’d just never intended for it to go this far. Too stupid and naïve to recognize when he led her back to his room where it’d lead. What he intended. Too ignorant and scared to force out the word that had remained locked in her throat.

  No.

  She could have said it.

  But instead she’d lain there shaking and shaking and shaking while he undressed her then fumbled carelessly out of his clothes. She hadn’t even realized what was happening when he’d quickly flipped her onto her belly and grabbed her by the hips, dragging her up onto her hands and knees.

  He’d pushed into her from behind.

  She’d cried out, and that’s when the tears had come.

  Could she blame him? She’d asked for it, after all. Put herself in this position. Granted him control.

  Her momma had warned her. Told her to be careful and not give herself away so easily.

  Because there were always consequences to every action.

  Cause and effect.

  And tonight the ramifications were greater than her fourteen-year-old mind could ever have expected.

  Foolish.

  When she didn’t answer him, he shook his head, tossed a smirk over his shoulder as he left her in the grubby room. She staggered to her feet. Winced as she pulled on her clothes. Slipped out as quietly as she could.

  She found herself alone on a dark, desolate, rundown neighborhood street, her fingers trembling so bad she could barely type out a text to her brother.

  Headed home. Don’t worry about me.

  Because Edie couldn’t bear her big brother’s worry.

  Not after what she’d done.

  One night.

  One mistake.

  Cause and effect.

  I’d just not known how harsh the consequences would be.

  And I hated. Hated. Hated. I just didn’t know if I hated him or myself.

  I felt disoriented.

  Lost.

  Fearful.

  I gulped for the air I couldn’t find.

  Pain constricted my lungs.

  Drowning.

  That’s what I had to be.

  As if I’d physically been pulled under a black surface of glass.

  Where I was alone and scared.

  Swimming in a remorse I could never make up for.

  Tears pricked my eyes and rain began to pound at my window. Gusts of wind rattled the panes.

  Blindly, I reached over to my nightstand and fumbled around for the dream catcher.

  My fingers curled around it.

  Desperate as the sadness came.

  I clutched it to my chest as I rocked myself.

  Barely coherent words fumbled from my mouth. “I love you. I love you. I’m so sorry.”

  And it hurt.

  Oh God. It hurt. Fierce and brutal and relentless.

  I wasn’t even sure I entirely processed staggering to my feet, tears streaking fast and free. Frantic, I tugged on a sweatshirt, shoved socks and shoes on my feet.

  Outside, rain had begun to pour. Fog rolled in thick waves across the ground.

  I darted to my car, clicking the key fob as I went, shaking as I floundered into the driver’s seat. My little red Fiat roared to life as I turned the engine. Windshield wipers sliced streaks of clarity into the glass when all I saw was the consuming haze around me.

  Headlights cut into the darkness that surrounded me on all sides. It only added to the suffocation.

  All I wanted was breath.

  Life.

  To feel that peace and ease and understanding.

  He was the only one who could give it.

  I swiped at my eyes and strained to focus through the bleariness as the wipers swept back and forth. My foot laid into the pedal.

  I pushed out into the night, traveling the twisty cliff-side road.

  The storm raged around me. Bright bursts of lightning lit up the earth.

  A split second of white.

  I squinted, choking over my sobs where they erupted at the base of my throat.

  And then I was there, parked in front of the sleeping house.

  Five minutes.

  All these years, and my solace waited five minutes away. My solution for the turmoil I was never going to escape.

  I should have known it would always be him.

  I killed the engine and cracked open the door. I stumbled out into the storm that pelted down in heavy sheets of freezing rain.

  My heart clamored in my chest.

  A constant bang, bang, bang that urged me forward.

  And again, I felt myself standing on the precipice. Teetering at the edge. The only thing I wanted was to jump.

  Lightning flashed.

  Uncontrolled, my hand shook as I lifted it to the door. My fist rapped twice.

  I knew only seconds could have passed when the overhead light suspended from the front stoop blazed to life.

  Lighting me up in a blurry daze.

  Metal scraped and the push latch clicked and disengaged.

  Then the door swung open to that devastatingly beautiful boy.

  My savior.

  My knees went weak.

  The gorgeous man looked at me in shock, sleep lost from the murky depths of his grey, shadowy gaze, so deep and dark and knowing. His feet were bare, his thick legs covered in soft, faded jeans, the tee clinging to his muscular chest wrinkled and stretched, hair in complete disarray on top of his head.

  Mayhem and peace.

  Conflict and comfort.

  His breath caught, and he issued my name on a whisper. “Edie.”

  Dread compressed my chest.

  Edie.

  In my entryway in the middle of the night.

  In the middle of a raging storm.

  So damned broken.

  Haunted.

  Lost.

  My throat constricted.

  In the middle of it all, she came for me.

  “Edie.” Her name came from my mouth like tortured praise.

  The girl was drenched. Sweatshirt soaked. Clumps of white locks stuck to that unforgettable face.

  I was quick to widen the door, and my voice cracked with the crushing worry. “Edie¸ baby, what are you doing out there? You’re soaked. Come in out of the rain.”

  She shivered but didn’t move, her shoulders slumped and heaving. “I…I…I’m so sorry. I just…I can’t…I can’t do this by myself. I don’t want to do it by myself.”

  The onslaught of devotion and relief nearly dropped me to my knees, and I was reaching for my girl, pulling her
inside and into my arms. “Edie.”

  My nose was in her hair, drawing in one of those full breaths I could only get when she was near.

  Everything tightened to pinpoints.

  Empathy and hurt and regret.

  “Shh…” I murmured. I placed a gentle kiss to the top of her head. “Shh…don’t apologize. Promised you I’d always be here. This is where you belong.”

  A tight sob erupted from her throat. She pressed her mouth to my neck. As if she were doing everything to bury the sound.

  To hide whatever it was that’d sent her running here.

  Grief clenched every cell in my body, and the words were tumbling free as I swept her off her feet and into my arms. “Fuck, Edie. Baby. Don’t cry. Kills me to see you cry.”

  A gasp of her own relief jetted from her mouth, and she wrapped those long, slender arms around my neck, her face still buried in my skin, my mouth still in her hair, whispering reassurances.

  “It’ll be okay. I’ve got you. I’ve got you.”

  I’ve got you.

  The girl was completely surrendered to my hold.

  Her body and her spirit and the torment that wouldn’t let her go.

  In that moment, everything about this fragile fortress felt so frail.

  Vulnerable.

  In need.

  Needing me.

  I refused to let her down.

  Not ever again.

  I carried her down the hall to my bedroom. Only the dim light leaking in from the attached bathroom gave sight to the room.

  She made a whimpering sound as I laid her sideways in the middle of my bed. Tears continued to course down her sweet, innocent face.

  Maybe it was because I didn’t want to lose touch.

  That I wanted to hang on.

  I knew she was safe, right there in my bed. Still, I palmed the side of her waist with one hand while I set aside the notebook I’d been jotting lyrics on, propped my guitar on the floor against the wall.

  I turned back to her, my body bent so I was hovering over her.

  So damned close.

  “I’m wet,” she mumbled. Shame came bleeding through.

  “I know,” I told her. I leaned back a fraction, pulled her soaked shoes from her feet.

  “What are you doing?” A frantic edge made its way into her voice.

  “Taking care of you.”

  Trembles rolled through her tight little body.

  So goddamned tempting.

  She squeezed her eyes shut as if she were steeling herself, allowing herself to be brave enough for this moment.

  For the moment when she gave me back a little more of her trust.

  When she let me watch over her.

  Care for her.

  The way I used to.

  The way I was always supposed to do.

  My pure, courageous girl.

  I shed her of her socks.

  “Don’t move,” I warned.

  I hurried into the attached bathroom and grabbed a big, plush towel. On the way out, I stopped at my dresser for an over-sized tee.

  When I returned, she was laying there.

  In the middle of my bed.

  Chest heaving and eyes so wild.

  My pulse spiked, blood speeding through my veins, this thrumming need barreling free.

  I set a single knee on the bed. “Come here,” I whispered.

  Tension built in the quiet confines of my room.

  Intense and deep and severe.

  I took her hand to help her sit up right in the middle.

  Did my best not to shudder at the contact.

  Fire and ice.

  Blinding.

  Fuck.

  A small, uncertain moan parted her full lips, and I knew there was no chance this girl didn’t feel it too.

  I climbed the rest of the way onto the bed.

  On my knees looking down at my light.

  I watched her closely as I wrapped the towel around her shoulders, those blue eyes just as cautiously watching me.

  “It’s okay,” I murmured, “I’ve got you.” I gathered the exposed edges, using them to draw her just a little closer. I brushed the fabric tenderly across her face. Dabbing at that striking jaw and making a smooth pass over those full, trembling lips.

  They parted when I did, and a panted breath seeped out to penetrate our atmosphere.

  God.

  My dick pulsed.

  Clenching my teeth, I pushed down the surging need.

  I could handle this.

  This was Edie we were talking about.

  I rose a fraction, getting higher, massaged the towel through her hair. Her head tilted back when I did, teeth biting down on her lip as she expelled an uncertain whimper, this girl looking up at me as if she’d found her meaning.

  That’s what I wanted.

  To be her meaning.

  Tossing the towel to the floor, I gathered the hem of her sweatshirt in my hands, hesitated, making sure she got it.

  That I wasn’t ever going to hurt her.

  Not ever again.

  The words were thick. “I’ve got you, okay?”

  Blinking, she stared, before she tentatively lifted her arms with a slight nod.

  Had to hold my damned breath as I slowly pulled the material up, revealing her inch by inch. A fierce lash of that energy blistered around the room as I tugged it over her head.

  A torrent of white locks fell all around her, kissing her slender shoulders and dripping down over her sheer, white lace bra.

  Something like an earthquake rocked my body.

  So fucking gorgeous.

  Angel through and through.

  Was it wrong to say it?

  Wrong for her to know the way I saw her?

  Slowly, I worked my big tee over her head, my voice nothing more than a growl. “Stunning, Edie. Most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

  Thought so the first time I saw her.

  Now I was sure.

  At my words, a sharp intake of air wheezed into her lungs.

  Carefully, I adjusted the shirt, covering her.

  “Lay back,” I said, voice raw.

  Her aqua gaze shimmered with outright fear and timid trust as she did what I asked. Her chest jutted up and down as I pushed my hands under the shirt.

  She trembled and shook.

  I freed the button on her jeans, loosed her zipper.

  Whole time, my heart was going so damned wild.

  And I felt hers too.

  Beating loud. A thundered chaos in the silence of my darkened room.

  I tugged her damp jeans down, revealing miles of slender, toned legs. An endless expanse of soft, alabaster skin.

  I gritted my damned teeth, averted my gaze.

  Dying to touch.

  To taste.

  Explore.

  Claim her in ways I knew I shouldn’t.

  Couldn’t.

  Her tears had subsided.

  They’d been replaced by a suffocating intensity.

  It climbed the walls and pressed down from the ceiling.

  Anxious want. Unchecked need.

  Her jeans joined the pile on the ground. I slid off the bed and dragged the covers down. I stopped where they were pinned by her body. “Get in.”

  Edie got to her hands and knees and crawled up, not even questioning what I was asking.

  I gulped around the magnitude.

  Trust.

  That’s what she was giving me.

  I climbed in next to her.

  She searched my face. “You’re getting in wearing your clothes?”

  I almost laughed.

  Almost.

  “Think it’s best if I leave my clothes on right now, yeah?”

  A self-conscious rush of redness flushed her cheeks.

  “Oh right…yeah,” she rambled as if she didn’t have the first clue what she did to me, casting her gaze aside.

  Shy. Sweet. Enchanting.

  “Goddamn it, Edie.” I pulled the covers over us a
nd guided her head to my chest.

  Just like I used to do.

  My arm wrapped around her shoulders and I hugged her close, leaning up so I could scatter a bunch of kisses to her temple. I released a rumble of words at the delicate skin that drummed with the erratic beat of her pulse, “You think you don’t still affect me the same? That I don’t look at you and just about come undone? I get your boundaries, Edie. Respect them. But you gotta know I’ve never wanted anything…anyone…the way I want you.”

  Hoped my saying it wouldn’t scare her away.

  She curled her tiny fist in my shirt and held on for dear life. Like I might have the strength to support her. Protect her.

  Silence swelled around us, and all those ugly, vacant spaces inside ached and moaned with the need to be filled.

  Because this girl touched me in a way no one ever could.

  “What happened?” I finally asked, softer. Just because I was thanking all those stars I’d wished upon that she’d come running to me didn’t negate her pain. Her breath caught at the question.

  “Paul texted me.”

  Rage.

  It was instant.

  Darkness threatened to be my own demise. The desire to destroy.

  Eliminate.

  I squeezed her. Probably too tight. Just as tight as the words I gritted out. “What?” Sickening fear was in an outright war with the hot hatred burning inside of me. “That bastard…he’s supposed to be rotting in prison.”

  Edie pulled back, those aqua eyes a toil of torment and confusion. “Prison?”

  Motherfuck.

  She didn’t even know that.

  I forced the words around the bile. “He’s been in prison for a few years.”

  Four years.

  Her hand tightened in my shirt. “For what?”

  “He got picked up for the usual shit that takes down guys like us.”

  That fucking wannabe rocker, always trying to be a part of the scene. My brother had more talent in the tip of his pinky finger than the entire being of that asshole. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t always there. Lurking. Thinking he was going to take a bite of the fame.

  Of course he and Ash were pals, though I wouldn’t exactly call them friends. Wondered just what Ash would call the prick if he knew.

  Her voice trembled as she blinked, trying to make sense of what she didn’t know. “Drugs?”

  “Yeah.”

  Guilt gripped me by the throat. Omission was nothing less than a lie.

  But what was I supposed to do?

  Because telling her sure as hell wouldn’t win me any points. It wouldn’t help her. Would only harm her. And I couldn’t protect her if she pushed me away.